Do you have ANY IDEA what folks REALLY MEAN when they post those classified personal ads? Here’s the truth….?

August 27th, 2009

For your benefit, women & men’s ads, broken down truthfully:

WOMEN’S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish: 49

Adventurer: Slept with all your friends

Athletic: No breasts

Average Looking: Has a face like a basset hound

Beautiful: Pathological liar

Contagious Smile: Does a lot of Ecstasy

Educated: Banged her Political Science professor

Emotionally Secure: Medicated

Feminist: Fat ballbuster

Free Spirit: Junkie

Friendship first: Trying to live down reputation as a slut

Fun: Annoying

Gentle: Comatose

Good Listener: Borderline Autistic

New-Age: All body hair, all the time

Old-fashioned: Lights out, missionary position only

Open-minded: Desperate

Outgoing: Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate: Sloppy drunk

Poet: Depressive Schizophrenic

Professional: Certified Bitch

Redhead: Bad dye-job

Reubenesque: Grossly Fat

Romantic: Looks better by candle light

Social: Has been passed around like an hors d’oeuvres tray

Voluptuous: Very Fat

Weight proportion w/ height: Hugely Fat – as tall as you are wide

Wants Soulmate: Stalker

Widow: Drove first husband to shoot himself

Young at heart: Old bat

MEN’S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish: 52 and looking for 25-yr-old

Athletic: Watches a lot of NASCAR

Average looking: Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back

Educated: Will patronize you all the time

Free Spirit: Banging! Your sister

Friendship first: As long as friendship involves nookie

Fun: Good with a remote and a six pack

Good looking: Arrogant

Very good looking: Dumb as a board

Honest: Pathological Liar

Huggable: Overweight, more body hair than a bear

Likes to cuddle: Insecure mama’s boy

Mature: Older than your father

Open-minded: Wants to sleep with your roommate but she’s not interested

Physically fit: Does a lot of 12-ounce curls

Poet: Wrote ex-girlfriend’s # on a bathroom stall

Sensitive: Cries at chick flicks

Very sensitive: Gay

Spiritual: Got laid in a cemetery once

Stable: Arrested for stalking, but not convicted

Thoughtful: Says "Excuse me" when he farts.

Psychologists have penned this "positive self-talk"
vs. "negative self-talk."

In life, I guess you just have to learn how to use
your lemons to make lemonade. But when it comes
to what you read in personal ads, it’s better not to
"drink the Kool-Aid."

I met my finance online. He’s thoughtful, I’m NOT
athletic, and we couldn’t be happier!

Posted in Post Classified Ads
3 Responses

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3 Responses to “Do you have ANY IDEA what folks REALLY MEAN when they post those classified personal ads? Here’s the truth….?”

  1. Comment by gunslinger
    August 27th, 2009

    HAHAHA!!! Dam woman just take all the fun out of it why don’t ya! That was some funny sh!t!
    References :

  2. Comment by Quizard
    August 27th, 2009

    Pmsl. I beloieve there is more than an element of truth in that.
    References :

  3. Comment by Jei
    August 27th, 2009

    Psychologists have penned this "positive self-talk"
    vs. "negative self-talk."

    In life, I guess you just have to learn how to use
    your lemons to make lemonade. But when it comes
    to what you read in personal ads, it’s better not to
    "drink the Kool-Aid."

    I met my finance online. He’s thoughtful, I’m NOT
    athletic, and we couldn’t be happier!
    References :